Posts in Diary
Sometimes saying “I don’t know” makes it all better

8 November, 1027

Dear Diary

I’ve been looking at my Bali photos, I love living simple and slow. I feel somewhat caught in the middle of two different lives right now.  I don’t really know what I need. But I know I need less. Less things. Less ‘to do’ lists. Less rushing. And at the same time I need more. More generosity. More presence. More patience.

 

I always thought I wanted a big life. Big things. Big impact. Big job. But I think maybe I misunderstood and what I really desire is an intentional life that has an impact. A powerful and positive impact on those closest to me.

 

But like I said I don’t really know and I feel like that’s ok for me right now.  So I’ll take those things I do know and start practicing them. Then I’ll see how I feel.

 

I’m not sure that anyone ever really knows what they need all the time anyway. Would it be boring to always know? Or maybe peaceful? I don’t know. If I find that place I’ll tell you.

💋 Goodnight.  AL XO

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The one relationship I'm determine to heal
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I remember my Mum having this affirmation when I was a kid (hello Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life). I also remember her telling me about it and suggesting I use it, but back then I totally didn't get it. Flash forward 16 or so years and I use this on the daily.

Every time I think an unkind thought about myself I'll cut myself off mid "girl look at that cellulite" and rebut with an even louder, more powerful and sincere, "I love and approve of myself". Yes, this means this mantra passes through my mind, even aloud sometimes, many times in a day. I also speak the words "Abbylee I love you" while looking at myself in the mirror.

Yip, I'm that girl. I'm on a path of self love.

Honestly, I'm nearly 30. Do you know what that means?! I've spent a 1/4 of my life picking myself apart and another 1/4 trying to make amends. I'm not there yet but this is the one relationship I'm determine to heal!

Who's with me?  Remember My Babes, you are loved, you are beautiful and you have everything in side of yourself that you could ever need. AL XO

“I love and accept myself”
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#MAMATRUTH | parents need guidance too

I can't quite put into worlds the frustration I feel as a Mama some times, I literally messaged Vinny to say "I don't think I'm made to be a Mum" the other day.  There are moments when I react rather than respond - then I feel guilty for it. I bribe, threaten (to take away toys etc) and count to three in hopes that this tiny child's brain will understand, will communicate and reason with me better than I'd expect an adult to.

Yesterday I got so desperate that something had to change, and of course it had to be me. I remembered that I am in control, something so simple, how could I have forgotten? Yet I'd gotten caught up in the story that I couldn't cope doing this solo and my child was only trouble.

I can happily say that after reading @janetlansbury's blog and listening to her audio book "no bad kids" the last 24 hours with Cas have been an absolute joy.  He's still gotten upset, been tired, cried and all that but I haven't, I haven't met him with big emotions. Instead I've provided a safe space for him to feel what he's feeling, remained calm and I've been so surprised with how quickly these moments have faded rather than escalated (like that would if I had of met him with the same amount of frustration and upset).

I'm not fab at putting this sort of stuff into words. But Mama's if you're ever feeling anything like the above or at a lose I highly recommend checking Janet.  Find her on @janetlansbury and her blog/books have been invaluable for helping me regain confidence as a fab Mama, she's wonderful at putting things in perspective. AL XO

 

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9 things that make me human

I'm just gonna dive right in here Babes...

1. I just recently got engaged to my epic #1 man @freedomtofail! Oh I’ve been in some terrible relationships in the past and I swear there is nothing more wonderful than being in a loving, supportive and free relationship. As my lady @abbyplested would say Babes “don’t settle”!
2. I’m a Libra, they say we’re bad at making decisions which I totally am. This is how I came up with the H + H concept, when I can’t decide I just ask myself, “Will I feel healthy?” and “ Will I feel healthy?” - A simple way to create a life full of heath and happiness.
3. I’m originally from a small Village called Oakura in Taranaki, on the west coast of New Zealand! I’m a beach girl at heart. I like my toes sandy and shoulders sunkissed.
4. My fiancé and I fell pregnant two weeks after meeting, now Cas is nearly three! Talk about a whirlwind romance!
5. I love lifting heavy weights, I like to dance, sing and often swear while working out! Daily movement is my medicine!
6. I have six tattoos, I got my first with my gf for our 21st birthdays!
Speaking of birthdays, I’m 30 next month! I actually love getting older. I feel so much more comfortable and happy with myself than I did when I was younger.
7. I have a history of disordered eating, it started when I first moved to Auckland when I was 15. I now spend a lot of time healing myself. Phew it’s a big job, I spent years as my own worst enemy and now my focus is on being my own best friend, number one cheerleader! 
8. Gratitude plays a huge role in my life perspective, I think it’s why my life is so fab!
9. My initials are (currently) ABC, Abbylee Bonny Childs. Childs is my fathers surname, I don’t have a relationship with him, he and my Mum separated when I was two. I always wanted to change my surname but wanted to keep my initials. I remember as a teen flicking through the phonebook (old school) trying to find a new one, my Aunty suggested Cucumber. That didn’t stick, Cooper was the closest I came (any O.C fans out there) but never ended up changing it.

 

And there ya go, wow that's a lot about me! Can you relate to any of them?  Gosh I feel like that's a lot to share in one post but I'm glad I did because I'm all about those open and honest relationships over here.  Love you babes, don't forget you are loved, you are beautiful and you have everything you could ever need right there inside of yourself. AL XO

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#MAMATRUTH | finding the good in the bad
“Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.”
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Ain't that the truth Babes, even in paradise days can feel overwhelming sometimes. Today was quite possibly the hardest day I've had with the babes since arriving in Bali.

I've felt frustrated or furious at least 94 times over the last 12 hours and I shut Cas in his room more times than I have this whole trip. We were a combo for disaster really, you see after a full on morning, Master nearly three didn't have his nap so was tired and unreasonable and me, well I'm coming up to moon time, cue emotional Mama with no patience.

He's asleep now, looking like the angel he is 96% of the time and I'm feeling incredible grateful to be his Mama all over again, plus this day is done and tomorrow is a new day! 

 I write this to simply share with you that no matter where you are in the world, each day has it's own challenges and beauty.  I hope you know you are not alone Mama, we're all in this together and when things get tough it's most important to remember this!

I leave you with my three Mama Mantras, this might not be the first time you've heard these from me and you can guarantee it won't be the last. These three messages constantly see me through Motherhood and in fact, life in general.  

  • You Are Enough (more than enough, you have everything inside of you that you could ever need)
  • Choose Kissing (it's way better than fighting)
  • Breathe (something as simple as three deep breaths)

Love you Mama Queens!! AL XO

What you focus on expands
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Babe, don't get stuck majoring on the minors of life like "how am I gonna pay the bills" or "there's so much on my 'to do' list". Instead practice placing more importance on the little things that make your heart swell, like the sun rising, the wind on your face, a smile form a loved one - whatever creates bubbles of love and excitement inside of you, focus on that.  Focusing on, and being grateful for, the little things that bring delight to your life will automatically make your life feel big and beautiful.

“Don’t let the little thing break your day.”
— Abbylee Bonny

You are loved, you are beautiful and you have everything inside of yourself that you could ever possibly need. AL XO

Babe! Don't give up, you got this gf!

The word relentless has been offered to me the last three days in a row, first on a @tonyrobbins podcast, second as I was at fatigue about to stop during a Pump class with @tmademedoit and thirdly today in a song while I was shaking my booty during asha’bam class with @rachael_newsham - YES!

 

Each time I needed the pep talk, I heard, “ don’t stop, keep going, you got this”.  I’m taking this offer out of these situations and using it as a reminder to keep growing.  It may sound a little dark but if you’re not growing your dying (thanks Tony).  If a plant isn’t growing, it’s literally dying, if you business isn’t growing it’s slipping, if you’re relationship isn’t growing it’s fading. Sometimes in life I get scared and I stop doing things.

During these times I tend to hide away a little, my normally intense sparkle dulls, my energy is depleted and the things I’m passionate about minimise and are no longer important.

“I am relentless” for me is about not stopping the work - the work I’m doing in my relationships, pursuing my self development, building my legacy and the conditioning of my physical and subtle bodies.

 How can you apply being relentless to your life?! Love ya Babes, AL XO

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“Be relentless in your pursuit of making your dreams your reality and in finding and living your true health and happiness.”
— Me